2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
