not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
