i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
