He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
