He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
