what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
