Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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