Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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