Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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