dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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