I just saw a hot homeless man
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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