Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She is in my trunk
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
