hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
