you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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