i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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