Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
