All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
