I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
