break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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