Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
