Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
