Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize