so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
