miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
