I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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