I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize