so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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