Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
