dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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