I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
