You're so nebulous sometimes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
