This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
