Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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