my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
