about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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