$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
