She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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