i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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