I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize