I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
