Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize