i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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