Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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