you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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