Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
