Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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