How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
