just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
