Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
