morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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