oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
