Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
