Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
