Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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