I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
