he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
