i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
