she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
