true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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