hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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