She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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