Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
