I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
