i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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