I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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