I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
