Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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