if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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