I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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