You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
