About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
