hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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