I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you never un-have a 4some
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
