your parents love me but you hate me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize